Working or living with a narcissistic person is maybe the hardest thing you can deal with. How to handle it you may ask?
I am still figuring this out myself, as a Life coach I have seen a lot of patterns and mindsets. That aside, I am still learning when I meet new people. Especially lately, because I have met the most difficult and most narcissistic person I have ever met in my life. Does this mean this person is a bad person and I hate that person? No, not at all! Because he is a good person but just so deep in his pattern that there is no way out for him.
Of course, there is a way out, but narcissistic persons think that their mindset is correct and nothing else. To change that pattern and mindset there is a lot needed, and when the person does not see it themselves, it will not work.
So, before we go further, what is a narcissistic person?
- They think they are unique and special
- They need constant admiration and praise
- Their (fantasy) world with their delusions is the best, and nothing else is correct
- They believe what they want. They should get
- Exploits or uses others without any shame
- Regularly intimidates or bullies’ others
So, what I have learned and what I want to share with others when you recognize someone in this pattern is not to lose yourself and keep believing in yourself. Because every pattern can change, but only when that person wants to change. When you work somewhere or experiencing a narcissistic person in your private life, you are not able to change this person if they are not asking for help and not recognizing it. People with this mindset and pattern of living are never going to acknowledge anything you are saying. They do not want help in general because they do not see they need it. They want to have admirers, and they will treat everyone the same, although maybe it looks like they will spare you. Do not fall for it. They can play the cards good to make you look special, but that is just their way of working on you.
For me, it was the first time I came across someone so intense that even I was with ¨my hands in my hair¨ on how to handle it. I tried coaching, but soon I figured out this is not working, so I just started to protect myself and give myself rules:
- I will try it for four months
- I will not let it get under my skin
- Deliver the message calmly because you are going against their view
- Do not let them take over your life
Like this, I can deal with it more, but it is not easy. But at least with those rules, I can say to myself at least I tried and stay truthful do myself.
Okay, so if you are working or living with somebody like this make sure to never take it personally. They are generally good people. They cannot express it because they are only in their mind and that mind is brilliant, at least they think. Never take it personally!
Usually, you want to defend yourself, if you have been put in an unfair position, but do not do this with a narcissistic person, because this is only going to make it worse. They are so focused on their mindset that they will and cannot see other mindsets. They will respond and act childish and make you feel angrier and more upset.
Make sure to realize you cannot trust this person and that this person is not able to judge who you are. Find support and purpose with someone else, because with a narcissist you are not going to find it. This it way It is important not to lose yourself and keep with your vision and that you keep believing in yourself.
Search your purpose in other things as you cannot find it in your work or life with this person.
Remember that you are so much more worth if other people make you feel stressed or worthless figure out how to deal with it but the minute you notice it is eating on you, go away! Because it does not matter how strong you are, it will after a while eat at you, and the best thing is to keep the pride in yourself and leave!
Recognize the pattern and find your way to cope with those people but prepare yourself; it is not going to be easy!